Okay.

I'm writing the beginning and ending of the story right here, next to each other. Followed by the middle. The middle can wait, and for a story like this, I think it's important to know the ending as soon as you read the beginning.

I was in a bad car accident.
I am okay.

There. See why I did it that way? This isn't a cliffhanger episode of ER, where you find out a week later that when Ray had his accident, he lost both of his legs. I thought it would be best to put the good news right up next to the bad, so no one would worry. I am okay.

I've had a hard time finding my voice for this story. So far, the humor and wit that I try to lace my little ramblings with are hiding out and letting some other type of voice tell this one. Nothing has been funny so far about what happened. Maybe the purpose of writing it will be to cleanse myself of the ordeal - 'cause I am pretty freaked out by the whole thing. I will be okay.

Here are all the other parts of the story - just the details to fill up the space in and around "car accident" and "I am okay".

On Saturday, I had a tennis match at Liberty Park. I had considered skipping it, 'cause I really dislike driving downtown. My tennis buddy, Tonya, offered to drive and she picked me up at 12:45. We went to the match, played better than we did the previous week (we're 2.5 on a 3.0 team, dangit), and after staying a little later to play for fun, we headed back towards home. It was raining just a little bit. We talked about science fairs, homework, sleepovers vs. late nights, and weekend plans. We both had our seat belts on.

We were less than a mile from my home, heading toward an intersection with a green light and a red car, waiting to turn left. It didn't wait long enough. The driver started his turn just as we entered the intersection and our car hit his, full force. We saw that it was going to happen, and Tonya put on the brakes, but there was no time for that to do any good. I think one of us said something - I don't remember what, but it wasn't swearing and it wasn't a big ol' scream like in the movies.

I was watching the car move forward, so fast, right at the other car. My mind didn't swirl off to think of my boys or Troy - I was just watching for the impact, not believing that we were going to hit. When that impact came, my view of the whole thing ended. The airbags exploded loudly and with such remarkable force, and then we were stopped. The inside of the car was filled with the smoky airbag powder and I looked down at myself, honestly surprised that I was alive. I held my arms out, examining them, and said to Tonya, "I'm okay. Are you okay?" She was.

There were a few moments when we sorta kinda didn't know what to do next. Are we allowed to get out of the car? Are we really okay? Is this smoky stuff going to choke us? Yes, yes, and yes.

I was dialing 911 as I gathered my tennis bag and hauled myself out of the car. An explosion was sure to follow a crash like that, and heaven forbid I lose my racquet. Tonya was on her phone too, as well as many of the people that had seen the crash. Several people ran over to us, making sure we were okay. One lady brought us an umbrella to stand under. She kept patting my arm.

The kid in the car was okay too. His car must have spun all around - he was quite aways from us, standing, and talking on his cell phone.

The fire engine came and they asked if we needed to be checked out. Tonya had an abrasion on her neck from her seat belt and I think a few minor cuts on her hands. I had a decent little scrape on my right arm and elbow, a small cut on my hand, and my legs were stinging from the airbag. But nothing that needed checking.

I called Troy - he'd just gotten home and was getting in the shower. He came right over and stood with us in the rain. The police came, took statements, gathered information. Tonya's husband came. We hugged each other, and then Troy and I went home. Tonya's car is totaled.

At home, I hugged the boys, assured them that I was fine, showed them my red legs and scraped arm, and got in the shower. Troy and I went to a party at a friend's home and had a fabulous evening. My neck and shoulders were starting to hurt, but I was okay.

I woke up on Sunday morning and got ready for church. Neck and shoulders were feeling better, the redness on my legs was gone, replaced by a purpley bruise and I had a seat belt shaped diagonal stripe running across my chest. My whole chest hurt. I felt like I'd been beat up.

Later in the day, I went to the ER - just to make sure that things weren't slightly broken. They weren't. Just bruised and strained. I am okay.

This was the first accident I've ever been in. Not even a fender bender. In my mind, I don't feel as okay as my body seems to be. Troy and I have been going over the whole "what if" scenario pretty heavily. This could have been so much worse! No one was killed, no permanent injuries, it wasn't even our car involved. Why was I being all weepy and tense? I am so okay.

I could do without the approaching impact replaying in my mind. And the whole "life can change in an instant" reality check. I don't like thinking about the "what if".

I'm just going to concentrate on the fact that

I am okay. And that I have so much to be thankful for.

If you've ever been in an accident,
when did you really start feeling okay?