Yeah...Well...You're Short

I called over a kindergartner to read to me today. I patted the seat next to me so he'd sit down. He scrunched up his face and sighed.

"When I'm close to you it makes me very nervous."

"What? Why do I make you nervous?"

"Because you are so old."

Maybe I smell like his great-grandma?

Love my job.

Back In School

I started back to school at the end of July, but the boys didn't start until the middle of August. I made them practice reciting the fun things that we did over the summer, just in case a teacher asked them what they did. I didn't want them saying "Played computer games."

Not that they didn't spend quite a few hours on the computer, I just wanted their teachers to know that I tried to make the most of the six weeks that we had.

First Day of School 2008

You are correct, the fourth grader is now officially taller than the sixth grader.

So it's back to early mornings, cold or hot?, deodorant?, backpacks, did you brush your teeth?and hurryhurryhurry. Four weeks into the school year now and things are going great. Both kids have teachers that they really like, not a huge amount of homework, and going to bed earlier hasn't even been a problem. Whew!

This is Cam's last year in elementary. How crazy is that?

Almost as crazy as these two...

First Day of School 2004

Love you guys...have a great school year!

Science Fair Finale

So the District Science Fair was last Friday night. I Cameron had an awesome project so we were fairly hopeful that he could continue on to the state level. Rumor has it, there's a pizza party when you attend the state science fair, so Cam was all excited about that.

We set up on Thursday night, standing in various lines to be assigned table space and interview times. We had to be back at 5 o'clock on Friday for his interview, then wait around for the judging and viewing of all the projects. It was going to be a long evening and we were told to bring food and stuff to do while we waited in the cafeteria.

And boy-oh-boy, it was all about the waiting. I had a backpack with crackers, water bottles, M&Ms, cheese sticks, paper and pencils, a Nintendo and a book - also Excedrin. There were, I'm guessing, around 1000 people crammed into the school's small cafeteria. The noise was terrific and all the bodies were making it uncomfortably warm. We were sitting crosslegged on the floor for about 2 1/2 hours - my hips still hurt.

Cam was cool and collected - chillin' and listenin' to some Jonas Brothers. Waiting isn't so bad when you've got good music to listen to.

How're those braces feeling? Not bad - especially since it's just the brackets. He won't get the wires until he has some teeth pulled in a couple weeks. Don't the braces make him look grown-up?

Uh oh. Aaron is ticked that Cam has music to listen to and he doesn't. And Cameron isn't about to share with him - 'cause eeeewwwww, sharing ear buds is nasty. (I don't blame him; I've seen the inside of Aaron's ears) See how Cam is pretending that he doesn't notice Aaron on the verge of a music-jealousy meltdown?

He totally notices.

Hey, Aaron. Remember it's your birthday in a couple months. Bet you get an mp3 player. Also, you can empty all of Dad's music off of his ipod and load it up with yours and use that until you get your own. Whew...meltdown prevented.

In the end, we all stayed in a good mood. Around 7:30 they opened up the fair to the public and we could walk around and look at the 309 displays. After an hour or two of that, they started reading off the winners...and Cam wasn't one of them. I think we both felt an equal mix of relief and disappointment. I assured Cam that his project was every bit as good as the 120 projects that did go on to state, and I promised him a pizza. Good enough for him.

He was a little sad, but we were also kind of science-faired out. And every once in a while, a little disappointment is good for the character, don't you think? Good experience, very interesting, loooong night, and a pizza party with just me and m' boys.

Now if only my hips would stop hurting.

Notes of Note. A Post in Two Parts

Part I:
The Note From School, or,
Loosening My Bra As My Heart Swells With Pride

First of all, thank you for all your kind words of support and encouragement about Cam's science fair project. He took it to school yesterday and sat by it for an hour or two, answering questions from the judges and visiting parents. He was proud of his project and did a good job all around.

Today he brought this note home:

And this:
Pretty cool. Cameron was worried that he'd have to do another whole project. I assured him that if that was the case, he would politely decline the invitation. There is a bunch of paperwork to fill out though - almost a mini written report. And if he goes on to the state fair, we have to pay an entrance fee. For now, I think we'll just relax and enjoy being off track.



*******************************************************

Part II:
The Note That Came Out of the Dryer, or

If It's Love, Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Okay, I might be crossing a line. Sure I can post the pictures of Troy getting his eyebrows waxed, and me getting my colonoscopy, but this is almost too personal.


Last night, after I had tucked the boys in bed, I went to change the laundry over to the dryer. I pulled the dry clothes out and a tightly folded, still slightly damp note fell onto the floor.


You all told me about what you've pulled out of the dryer - the ipods, the gum, the dead hamster and the poop. But a note? You read it, right?

I did.

It was fragile from its trip through the washer and dryer but I carefully unfolded it and read the pencil writing.


Cam had written it, but never delivered it. It said:

"To Aspen, I like you. (smiley face)...But you like Will. Abby told me you hate me and never want to talk to me again. (frowny face)


I raced downstairs to show the note to Troy. He was as shocked as I was. There was romantic drama going on? We never knew. And what a love triangle it seems to be - Cam, Aspen, Will, and Abby - though so far, Abby is only the passer of information. Who is this Aspen girl...and why is she breaking my son's heart?


I went to ask Cam about it. He denied knowing what I was talking about, but that might have been because I woke him up. I asked him who everyone was and he tried to tell me what had happened. Even through his explanation I could tell that he wasn't even sure what was going on.


"Are you sad?" I was prepared to grieve with him.


"Not really."

"But you drew a frowny face! That means you're sad!"

"Then I guess I was."

"Why didn't you deliver it?" Hand me a bigger spoon, I'm stirring it up really good now.

"I changed my mind."

"Okay sweetheart. Probably better that way. Do you want to talk about it? Do you need a hug?"

"Mom, I'd kinda forgotten all about it."

"Oh...okay...but if you need a shoulder..."

"Goodnight!"

********************************************************

Two very different notes, but they both amaze me.

I just have to ask...


Did you ever pass notes in school?

Important Scientific Findings From My Kitchen

No, no, Science has not discovered that an unmopped floor leads to better overall health, or that a less than sparkling oven produces tastier food, though I am convinced of both and will gladly offer my kitchen towards any experiments that could prove it.

What has been found, scientifically speaking, is that 5th Grade Science Fair Projects are a lot of work!

Cameron chose to experiment with microwave popcorn and how different storage temperatures will affect the final product. Apparently, each kernel of popcorn contains a small amount of water in the center - when that water is heated, it produces steam and pressure, and that's what makes it explode. The water content has to be around 14% - even a tiny percentage difference and you'll get poor quality popcorn. We tried to mess with the water content.

We've been keeping:

Popcorn packets in the freezer - predicting that the drop of water inside the kernel will freeze, expand, and crack the shell, making the kernels unpoppable. Also something about the cold keeping it from heating quickly enough in the exact popping time.

Popcorn packets in the fridge - predicting that the percentage of water inside the kernel would be altered by the low humidity and produce less fluffy popcorn, and again with the cold keeping it from heating enough.

Popcorn packets on the counter - predicting that this would be the perfect spot to store popcorn.
We did a test run, timing an extra bag on how long it took for it to pop perfectly, and then we used that time for all the bags. We are nothing if not scientific.

Cam popped the freezer bags first. We seriously thought it wouldn't even work, that we'd have to cut open the bag to reveal oily, sad, cracked kernels, ruined by their 30+ hours in the freezer. What a great picture that would make for the display board.

Guess what? It popped just fine. Tasted fine too.

We tried the refrigerator samples next, hoping at least for some decreased volume. Those popped up fine as well.

When Cameron popped the counter samples, I was ready to be blown away. For sure these packets would pop up with double the volume, twice the flavor, no old maids, anything.

Amaze me, cool science experiment, amaze me!!!

Nope.

It was pretty much all the same. I would have served any of the popcorn to company.

We measured every batch, counted every unpopped kernel, and did a good handful-size taste test. Any differences were negligible. Seriously.


I think the freezer samples produced 50 or so unpopped kernels and 2 quarts of popcorn, the fridge samples had around thirty unpopped kernels and the same volume, and the counter samples had 20 unpopped kernels and made 2 quarts plus 1 1/2 cups of popcorn.

Big deal.

However, for the sake of the Science Fair, we are making a very big deal about that extra cup and a half of popcorn and how few old maids were left when we wisely stored our popcorn at room temperature.

We're also gonna poke around a little bit more and see if we can prove that the counter samples produced bigger popped kernels.


Please, let them have produced bigger popped kernels. I want to show something significant from this little experiment.

Perhaps I should contact the Pop Weaver Popcorn Company and suggest their new advertising campaign: You can store this stuff anywhere - it'll still pop!

So that was the fun, fast part of the project. Now Cameron has to write up everything, including: a purpose page, research pages, hypothesis page, materials page, procedural page, variables page, data pages, analysis page, and a conclusion page.

He's in fifth grade, remember?

Then there's the display board that needs to be colorful, creative, and charismatic though it cannot contain any actual popcorn. Shoot - we were gonna glue a nice popcorn border around the edges.

It's all due next Thursday.

We're just hoping to be done flossing by then.

Homework Update

As I was snapping pictures of nativities and cookies, Aaron wondered aloud,


"Why aren't you blogging about my handwriting anymore?"

Geez, give the kid a little online fame and all of a sudden he can't get enough.


So, as per Aaron's request, here's a quick update about his, um, handwriting and homework. Just in case you've been wondering.


The tears and drama (from him, not me) over his cursive practice have mellowed into annoyed acceptance. He's still not happy about it, but at least he's not crying, yelling, or throwing things.


He's agreed to do his homework at 7 pm every night. He usually lets out a tortured cry when it's time to get down to business, but it's quick and then he'll start working.

Look Ma, no tears!

His weekly homework load consists of a math page, spelling/word sorting, times table practice, two pages of cursive practice, and nightly reading. In my perfect world (ha!), I'd have him do everything that he could on Monday - just blow through the math and cursive pages all at once and be done with it for the week. Then all he'd have to do for the rest of the week is run through his flashcards and read every night. Simple! Instead, and because this isn't my perfect world, Aaron will just do a small part of each page every night.

I also wish he'd do his homework right when he gets home from school. It would be so much better (I think) to just get it out of the way and leave the rest of the day and evening to enjoy ourselves. Instead, it feels like we're just waiting for the "yucky" part of the day to happen. It kills our evenings, but he's pretty adamant about waiting until 7.

Why, oh why can't he see the wisdom of doing things my way????

Spelling/Word Sorting

One nice thing...Aaron has decided he likes to lie in bed and do his reading. It makes for a quiet, relaxed end to the day. He's also enjoying reading more than he ever has - which of course, makes my heart soar. He and Cam climb into bed around nine (honestly, it's closer to 9:20)and start their reading -- Aaron will read for an hour if I let him. So yeah, he's not getting to sleep at a good time for an 8 year old, but he's doing lots and lots of reading.

So I guess there's still progress and improvements to be made - though really, I'm the only one who seems bugged by the current state of things. And it's all such a huge improvement since September, I'm just grateful. Ultimately, I'm trying to keep things going smoothly, happily, and without the tears. Baby steps.

Cameron had a brush with a heavy homework load this week. He's missed school for three days with strep throat, and being the over-zealous helpful Mom that I am, I brought his work home for him to do. Seriously, is it a blessing or a curse that I work at the school?

Anyway, I gave him all the work that he'd missed and just the sight of it reduced him to tears. Head on the table, shoulders heaving - it seemed so overwhelming, stacked up like it was. But he slogged through it, and it took him maybe an hour plus some reading time. He admitted that it wasn't too bad after all.

And I thought that with having only boys, we'd skip the drama. HA!

So that's the homework update for mid-December, 2007.

Aaron will be pleased.

Would you rather do something [that you disliked] a little at a time, or all at once, just getting it over with?

Random Stuff From School

As I work with my little reading groups, we sit at a long table in a common wash-up area. I have to sit on tiny chairs so that my legs fit under the desk. This puts us all very close together. Sometimes I lean even closer to try and get some good eye contact, making sure that the kid is paying attention.

We were sounding out the word "spring". First we did the "s" sound. Then I was really trying to enunciate and show them how it would sound when they added the "p" sound. I leaned forward and gave my best "sp". Three little boys all leaned towards me and did a "sp" right back.

"Sp" is also the first sound in "spit".

**********************************************************

My next group was three little girls. I still haven't decided if I like splitting them up girls/boys. As it is, I have a funny, super-charged group of spitting boys, and a well-behaved, sweet group of girls. I wonder if it would be easier to mix it up a little.

We were reading the same book as the boys, The Farm in Spring, and I was being careful to keep a safe distance as they sounded out words. The book was a simple walk-through of what you can see at a farm in the Spring: I see a brown horse and two foals...I see a black dog and three puppies...I see a grey cat and four kittens, etc. At the sight of every baby farm animal, the girls would just melt and sigh at the utter cuteness of the bitty little thing. They'd ooh and aaahh and try to tell me about any real life baby animals that they'd seen. I'd rein them back in so we could keep on reading. Even though I love all their stories, we've gotta keep reading.

Then we came to "I see a red hen and six chicks". After the initial "ooooooh" from all of them, one girl launched into telling me that her Dad takes her to some guy's house to see the rooster fights. Rooster Fights!

Okay, reading time is OVER. I love this stuff! This is what she told us:

It's her Dad's favorite thing to do.
It was when they were in Mexico.
It's kind of bloody.
She feels sorry for the roosters, but her Dad just likes it. A lot.

Reading with the kids just doesn't get any better than this!

I know we have a lot of teachers and people that work with kids out there...

What are the funniest, most awesome things you've ever been told by a kid?

Feeling Perky

Back in August, I wrote about all the different jobs that I've had over the years. Not too many, 'cause I've always been pretty happy about where I've worked. I'm a firm believer that a job must have some decent perks that come along with it, or dissatisfaction will creep in. Over the years, I've enjoyed not only the perks that come with my own jobs, but also the perks that accompanied the jobs of family members.

For example...

My sister (futurern, 'cause she's going to nursing school) used to work at Baskin Robbins when she was a teenager. We became really close that year. I couldn't get enough of the Pralines 'n Cream.

Troy used to manage a Dominos Pizza. He'd get to bring pizza home, of course, and, oooooh, Cinnastix. I was doing in-home daycare at the time, and at least once a week (okay, twice), I'd load the kids in the van and drive 25 minutes away to get a free pizza for our lunch.

Troy has a wonderful perk in his truck driving job: he can take the boys with him! How many kids get to say that they spend 48 hours straight with their Dad inside a 6 foot x 8 foot box on wheels. And drive over the Bay bridge in San Francisco all the time. And more importantly, how many mothers can get a weekend alone every once in a while? You know, to really plan ahead for Family Home Evening lessons.

When my other sister worked for an eye doctor, I got an exam and eyeglasses at her discount.

My brother-in-law worked for a furniture store for many years, and we definitely enjoyed his employee discount.

My needs have changed now though. I don't really need the free pizza or the ice cream (want them, don't need them), and I'm set on furniture for a while. What I do need is a relative in car mechanics, dentistry, and podiatry. Now those are some perks I could enjoy.

At my current job as a reading aide at my kid's school, I think I've got some pretty good perks. I know what's going on at the school, I know the teachers and the teachers know me, I'm two hallways away from my kids,and sometimes when I substitute for a few hours, I get to go to an assembly. A good assembly. Not the bus safety (boring) one, but the Say No to Drugs/Get High on Life assembly. There was music and dancing and clapping and cheering, and all the teachers got to go up and do karaoke to Twist and Shout. My friend Susan and I just looked at each and said, "Can you believe we get paid to do this?!!".

The other perk that makes my job so fabulous is the pictures that I get to have taken every year. What other job will give you this:




'Cause doesn't everyone want a big 8x10, 2-5x7s, 2-3x5s, and 4 wallets of them self? I know you're jealous - what can I say...some jobs just have really good perks.


What are the best job related perks you've ever had?

Go for it, just name them all.
The winner (sure, let's make it contest) gets a picture of me.

(Not the 8x10 though, I'm framing it and giving it to my Mom, just to see what she does with it.)

Third Grade Agony

Things just aren't fair around my house. Even though he's in 5th grade, Cameron very rarely has any homework other than reading, while third grader Aaron has a daily load that just about does him (and me) in. It turns a mood like this:

Into this:

It's Dr. Jekyll and Mr Aaron.

Aaron tackles his daily reading, math and language with minimal complaining. He's even worked on a book report without tears. But the handwriting practice; Oh. My. Heck.

All last year, Aaron got glowing remarks from his teachers in all areas except handwriting. It really was awful - I don't know if his fine motor skills are underdeveloped, or if it's just a lack of patience or laziness, but even for an 8 year old, his handwriting was atrocious. I didn't worry too much about it, after all, he was doing so well in every other area. And can't he just type everything for the rest of his life?

So now he's in third grade - the year of learning cursive. I thought his cursive would be pretty badly formed, but it is actually very good. He just doesn't believe me. Aaron is so determined that he can't do it, he will cry and grump and whine and take for-freaking-ever to do it. It's a miserable part of our day.

I have charts and rewards, bribes and threats, but so far, none of it matters. Aaron just doesn't want to practice his cursive, and as the past has taught us, if Aaron doesn't want to do something, it's gonna take every last parenting trick and diversion to get that something done.
Sometimes the whole family will get involved, tending to Aaron's fragile mood. I'm the ringmaster, orchestrating the event, Troy (if he's home) will offer encouragement and some occasional comic relief, and Cameron hangs out just in case the drama gets really good. It often does. Pencils have been thrown.

The latest trick I've pulled out is snapping pictures and taking video of the whole process. I don't know why, but it's helping. Aaron is working faster and with less complaining when I've got the camera pointed at him. I think he secretly enjoys the attention, and I'm just glad that things are moving along.

Check out the iron grip and ignore the dirty fingernails.

Tongue out, concentrating...

Troy's offering his own tongue of concentration.

This is a clip of Aaron tackling a couple of cursive letters.

In an ongoing effort to boost Aaron's confidence and self-esteem, I assure him that his handwriting is every bit as good as Cameron's. Better even.

I pointed the camera at Cam - just to catch his reaction. There's a second or two where he's not quite sure if we are kidding or not, and it's priceless.

Hearing Aaron laugh at the end is the sweetest sound ever. Homework is done!

What homework battles do you face?

Graphic! Not for the Squeamish!

When I work at the school, I'm usually sitting at short, long tables, surrounded by tiny people. We sit close together, knees and shoulders sometimes touching, I lean towards them, watching as they touch each word on the pages of the book. We are definitely sharing air space. I hand them the pencils and books and gather them back at the end of our group time. I touch things that they touch. I feel the kids breathe on me, and more then once, I have been coughed on. Some days, I think I should be getting hazard pay.

I quickly became very matter-of-fact about telling kids to go blow their noses, if I heard them sniffle more than once.

"And wash your hands with soap and hot water. I want to be able to smell the liquid Dial when you come back."

I also wash my own hands frequently and try not to breathe in their air. Knock on wood, I have stayed fairly healthy, so either I've built up a bit of immunity, or my precautions are working.

I was helping in Kindergarten today, quizzing those 5 year olds on letters. I called a cute little boy over, and when he sat down next to me I could see he had a little something working its way out of his nose. I cringed and tried not to physically recoil. It was bad. Gooey and green and grey.

He was aware of it only as much as that he kept sticking his tongue out and up towards his nose. Thankfully, his tongue wasn't long enough to reach it, but then he started sniffing and twitching. It was driving him crazy. Polite little guy, he knew that he shouldn't pick his nose in front of me.

He is five. I couldn't just send him off to get a tissue and take care of it on his own. He could make it worse. I also had a hard time turning over bathroom responsibilities to my own boys for this same reason. Could I just ignore it? Not with the darting tongue and sniffing. As it was, I could barely concentrate on the letters he was saying. I can handle the boogers of my own kids just fine, but this kid was a stranger to me.

I considered just sending him back to class and exchanging him for a less snotty child. But something (my conscience?) held me back, and gave me a talkin' to.

"You're a mother, you should have compassion towards all children, and should wipe whatever needs wiping. Help that boy."

"Yeah, but..."

"Suck it up and grab a tissue. Do it!"

My conscience is tough.

I got the tissue, 2 ply x 3 = 6 layers of protection against that grossness. I wiped, corkscrewed, and pronounced him clean.

For good measure, we both washed our hands. Me, twice.

Would you have wiped? Or wimped?

Time to Get Up

I'm a morning person. Always have been. I have no problem getting up super early every morning. I'm productive, organized, full of energy, and happy. I'm irritating that way.

Cameron, my 10 year old, enjoys sleeping in on the weekends, but he is also able to get up bright and early for school. He's always in a good mood and he likes to take a shower every morning.

He eats breakfast, packs up his backpack, and hustles out the door. He likes to be early.

As he was leaving this morning, he kissed me goodbye, and said, "Good luck with that..."

And by that, he meant...

Aaron. Mornings are tough for him.

He has no tolerance for my early-morning cheerful nature.

Don't talk to me just yet. And don't come near me with a comb. Grrrrr.



Okay, the cloud is lifting.


And we have a smile. Whew. I was worried for a minute.


What does your day start out like? Are you a morning person...or do you feel Aaron's pain?

She Works Hard For the Money

I think we all agree that teaching would have to be one of the hardest jobs ever. It takes a very special person to do that every day. Yes, teachers may get a nice break in the summer (though not always), but they so deserve whatever they get. I feel so lucky that my kids have always had really good teachers.

I love my little job over at the school, (when I don't have to sub in 5th grade!) but I'm still eyeballing some of the other jobs, thinking that I would really enjoy those as well. The first one is the school librarian. We have two ladies that jobshare at our school, so that's always appealing. And they get to spend the day with books, wonderful books, sharing them with the kids, reading out loud, teaching the kids to respect the books, etc. I love quality picture books and could spend lots of time browsing through the displays. One day I was doing just that, and I mentioned to one of our librarians how I envied her job, spending the day reading and sharing books. She nodded, but added that they do a whole lot more than that. I'm sure that's true, but I will keep on fantasizing about what a rich and and endlessly satisfying job it must be.

The other job that I covet is the workroom aide. The copiers, hole punchers, pencil sharpeners, staplers, laminators, etc., all the office equipment that makes things neat and orderly. I would love the whole process of completing the teacher's order, nice, neat, copied, stapled, stacked up and put back in their box. That job, however, would have the capacity to inflame my OCD tendencies, as in ,
"Sorry your worksheets aren't ready, the text on the original was crooked, so I'm trying to lay it down so it will be straight on the copies. Come back next week".

I've never been in a job that I've hated. There might have been a task or two that wasn't my favorite, but overall, I feel pretty lucky. My Mom started me out doing volunteer work - I'm sure it was to curtail my television watching and snacking. I spent some time as a candy striper, delivering flowers and walking visitors to patient rooms (did adults really need a 14 year old to show them how to find a room on the third floor, or did the nurses get tired of finding things for me to do?), and also at a library, doing a lot of the things that the workroom aides do.

At 16, I worked in a video store, back when most people needed to rent the VCR along with the movies. Owning movies was almost unheard of. I worked in two video stores, eating the candy that we sold and watching a whole lot of movies. Now that job had some perks!

Next came the sign shop years, where I got to line up the text on signs, making sure that the margins were even, the lines were straight, and that the signs were aesthetically pleasing. Can you guess if I enjoyed that job? I get a little flushed just thinking about it.

Then I did in-home daycare for five years. I talk about how hard that was, but if I run across the pictures of all the kids that I watched, I remember how much fun we had. My own kids were young and I was really into crafts and cooking fun meals and organizing activities. It was a necessary and good job to have at the time.

Finally, I'm in my fourth year of working at the school. There you go, my entire employment history. Videos, signs, children and more children.

Where do you work? What other jobs have you had? Gimme the best and the worst. Is there anything you'd like to do?

Back to School

It feels like summer is over for me - I went back to work last week after having all of June and July off. For the past three years, I've worked at my kid's school as a reading aide. When I think of the perks that come with this job, I couldn't ask for anything better. I really do enjoy it. I love the people I work with and the teachers that I get to know, and I love being so close to the action as far as my boys are concerned. I really love that it's just 3 hours in the morning, Monday - Thursday.

I work mainly in kindergarten, first and second grades - helping the kids that are just below grade level, to hopefully catch up by the end of the year. Kindergarten is a little different - the kids start out on such vastly different levels. We work with kids that can't even hold a pencil or identify any letters in their name, to a few that are reading past a 2nd grade level, and everything in between. So really, it's just in first and second grade that we're working only with the kids that need to catch up with the rest of the class. We don't do anything with the kids in resource.

At the end of the last school year, I got all melancholy about saying goodbye to the kids that I'd been with for the whole year. Had I been the little extra thing that they needed? Was I as kind to them as I could have been? Was I a bright spot in their day? Did I make them feel good about themselves and their accomplishments? Oh, I hope so.

There were a few kids from last year that drove me nuts, but even they kind of grew on me by the end. And then there were some that I absolutely cannot wait to see this year. We had so much fun together, and they were truly glad to see me every day. Hugs and happy waves and high fives were an everyday occurrence. Who wouldn't love these kids - they were funny and bright, respectful and kind. Good kids. There were others too, a little more rough around the edges, but they'd soon open up and tell me the stories of what was happening at home, and I tried to make sure they got some extra hugs and that they knew that I thought they were terrific. Amazing kids.

So I enjoy my little world down in the lower grades, where the kids, for the most part, are still fearful of adults, they don't backtalk, and one look will quiet them. I'll take the lower grades any day - except Friday. That's my day off.

At the beginning of year, the teachers are doing testing of some sort and the aides have been filling in as substitutes. So far, I've been with a 3rd grade class and two 5th grade classes. The third grade was awesome. Well behaved and they treated me well - granted, most of them knew me from the second grade. There was one little girl, the teacher told me, who arrived from Mexico 24 hours before the first day of school. She didn't speak a word of English. Can you imagine how scary? Well, another little 8 year girl was acting as her translator, sitting by her, whispering instruction, guiding her every step of the way. I was so impressed, and wondered briefly if the school district should be paying her! Anyway, they were all good, did their work and let me read to them - which is all I really want to do as a sub. Just let me read out loud to them for three hours. I do character voices.

But the 5th grade. The horror. Seriously, I walked away from this class today, knowing that if this was my regular gig, I'd have quit long ago. The kids were sneaky and sarcastic, obnoxious, rude, and downright mean to each other and me. Yes, there were a few sweet, friendly kids, but who has time to notice them, when the others suck all the attention.

Kids were lifting their desks off the ground and dropping them, giving me snotty answers when I'd ask where something was, and ignoring any instruction I gave. It was the stereotype of the class being mean to the sub, brought to life.

We had a fire drill: I knew it was fake, and they knew it was fake, but there was still a protocol to follow. They had to line up and I was supposed to take roll. So I'm calling out names, it was windy, noisy, and no one is really even listening to me. I keep shouting names and I hear "Here", so I keep going down the list. After about half a dozen names I realize that one obnoxious kid is trying to trick me, and he's saying "here" in a variety of voices. The rest of the class is going along with this. I walk over to him and point my finger right into his nose and snarl (in my very best devil's voice) "Don't you mess with me".

He was John Bender and I was the principal from the Breakfast Club. I was on to him and he was not going to mess up my fire drill.

All students accounted for and we go back in the class. I'm trying to give a spelling pre-test and suddenly one boy stands up and start dragging a great big garbage can over to his desk.

"What are you doing with the garbage can?"

"It's not a garbage can. It's for the balls and stuff. It's my job."

"Go sit down. We're doing spelling right now. Put it back."

He sits down, but leaves the can in the middle of the classroom. I repeat words 6, 7, and 14, for kids that had tuned me out. Another boy gets out of his desk and is studying something on the other side of the room. He's been a problem all morning, so I march him back and tell him to stay put. The girl next to him is laughing loudly, and when I ask her what she's laughing about, she says,

"You. You're so dumb that you thought that was a garbage can."

Seriously. She's ten. I could have slapped her.

I bent down, hissed in her ear, "Young lady, you need to stop being so rude and disrespectful."

Oh, I am so not cut out to work with older grades! I hated that they treated me this way and that I couldn't win them over with smiles and kind words. I hated that they were making me crazy. Where were my cute little first graders? And the worst thought of all - would they turn into obnoxious 5th graders too?

At the risk of sounding like an old lady, what is wrong with kids these days?

The teacher returned and I simply said they were a rough class and then pointed out the one very helpful girl, so that she could get her star or whatever little positive reinforcement game the school is playing. Useless. The good kids will be good no matter what. The others? The promise of a candy bar or a can of pop at the end of the week for good behavior (yes, that's the positive reinforcement) isn't enough to make them comply. These kids don't see any need to be respectful or kind, even to adults.

So it was a discouraging day at school. Can't wait to start with my regular classes, with the hugs and smiles, and feeling like I'm helping to make a difference.