Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. The kids get older, branch out in their friendships, and then the "world" starts to work its way into your home.
Cameron is a very social kid - the more friends the better. He's well-liked at school and church, the funny one that never quite crosses the line and gets in trouble with the adults. He's a peer tutor at school. A friend of mine has observed him at recess, organizing teams and getting a game going - telling kids to just stop arguing about some petty little thing, so they can play - time's a'wasting!
He has a list of friends to call every day, going down through the group until he finds someone that can play for a while. Sometimes, it's a whole group of kids that gather at one house - not always ours - and they play and play and play. No one in his group of friends is allowed sleep-overs, so we do "late-nights", ending between 10 and 10:30 on Friday evenings. Cameron is never short on friends.
He has good friends, wonderful friends. I know the parents a little bit, and I trust that they have the same core values that we do. I feel very, very lucky that Cameron has such good friends.
Last summer, a few boys from his class found out where we live and occasionally, they'd show up at our house, asking for Cameron. I knew the boys from school and knew that they were good kids and so I eagerly invited them in. They live kind of far away, and I felt even a little bit flattered that they had come so far to search out my son. My popular son.
I don't know the families of these few, new friends, but the boys are respectful (please and thank you, and thank you again), clean cut, nice looking and they tell me that I am very cool Mom. I bought that opinion with a bag of Doritos and a box of Capri Suns. They also think I'm funny and they love it when I poke my head in Cameron's class, which embarrasses him, which delights them. They say hi to me in the halls. I like it.
I'm the popular Mom.
So last Friday evening, Cam had this friend over (one of the boys that I don't know much about), Troy and I were in the living room, catching up on some Tivo, and the two boys were in the next room, playing Xbox. They were laughing and eating and having a great time. All of a sudden, Troy turns the sound off on our TV and tells me to listen to the boys.
Cameron's friend was swearing. He was taking the Lord's name in vain.
I'm sure the boys hear it a dozen times a day at school, and I know that it's said plenty on TV. We cringe whenever we're watching something with the family and there's profanity. I don't even know if taking the Lord's name is considered profanity (by the world's standards) anymore - it's so common now.
But not in my house, and certainly not out of a 10 year boy's mouth. Cool Mom or not, I couldn't just sit there.
Troy whispered, "Do we say anything?"
"Yeah...see if he does it again."
Poor kid...he probably doesn't even know that we consider what he was saying to be swearing. He wasn't angry or frustrated at the game - it was just his common expression of delight and wonder at what they were doing. Not in my house.
Sure enough, he said those words again.
I immediately called out "Hey in there...no swearing in our home."
Silence, and then "Sorry".
His visit had been impromptu - he and another boy had just stopped by - so I've never talked to his Mom. The other boy had called home a few times to tell his Mom where he was and when he was leaving. As it grew later, I kept asking the boy if he needed to call his Mom, or if he was supposed to be home at a certain time. For all I knew, his Mom didn't even know where he was. He just told me that his Mom didn't care, didn't need him home, it was fine for him to stay. The evening went on with no more offensive language, and he left about 7:30.
He's a good kid. He's polite, respectful, neat, (so, yes, his Mom does care), and now he knows the rules. He's welcome in our home any time.
Have you ever had to lay down rules for the house guests? About what?
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4 comments:
I have the same rules at my house. I tell them we don't talk like that at our house. And we don't use those words here. They are ok with it, and we only have to tell them once.
My Spencer and Connor used to have night games and fire pit parties but the GIRLS were so rude and disrespectful to our yard and their volume was yikes, so Spencer decided on his own to let everyone know it was time to go home. And he hasn't had a fire pit party since.
I have had the same situation with a less "neat" boy a few years ago.
Plus when little girls come over, I have a no screaming policy.
I have no problem telling houseguest children what is expected. My favorite is to do it in front of oblivious parents.
I have issues. Where has the civility gone?
Wow - Who knew girls would be the biggest problem! Never even thought about how loud they can get.
What about when cousins come to play and it's a permissive s or sl's children that you clamp down on. You know the basics. No running upstairs. No jumping on beds tearing up bedding. It's the teacher in me that expects civility.
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