A Fine Day

Clear back in August, when I was getting ready to go to Bear Lake for a relaxing vacation, I grabbed a bunch of books and magazines at the library. Beach reading at its best. I had a few of the Sweet Potato Queen books and lots of back issues of People magazine. There's nothing like curling my toes in the sand and reading about and seeing pictures of the messed up lives of celebrities, to make me feel all summery and relaxed and blissful about my own perfectly normal life. I like to eat Whoppers and steal drinks from Troy's Diet Coke while I thumb through the pages.

One day last week, I got a call from the computerized lady at the library, telling me that I had three items overdue. Two of them were books that my boys were reading - I knew about those, but the third was one of the Sweet Potato Queen books. Left over from August. Great.

The biggest problem was that I had long ago returned everything from that trip. I'd been so careful, keeping all the books in the truck for travel reading - which I can do just fine until we hit a canyon - and the magazines in my beach bag. I am always so paranoid about losing something from the library - it's never inexpensive, and I just knew that I had returned it. Felt it in my bones.

The book was not anywhere in my home. It was 6 weeks overdue, and I'd done plenty of cleaning, and organizing, and putting away since then. If it was in my home, I'd have come across it by now. I checked the cars, thinking maybe it had fallen in between seats or something. No book, but I did find quite a few french fries, some Pull 'n Peel Twizzlers that had been pulled, peeled, and dropped under the back seat, lots of trash and water bottles and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup that had melted and re-hardened. Because I was so stressed about finding this dang book, I ate the cup. Yes, I have no shame when it comes to peanut butter and chocolate, and yes, it was still delicious.

Troy went up to the lake and brought the trailer home. Hoping against hope, I checked all through the cabinets and under cushions and inside cubby holes (trailers have loads of cubby holes) - still nothing. Ugh, I hate losing things - especially things that don't belong to me. Librarians can be a tad cranky when you lose their books.

Time to face the music of my lost book. Go to the library and fess up. I hoped it wasn't a rare copy of an out-of-print, first edition, signed by the author, kind of book. I had to return the other two late books (barely late - the boys need three weeks and three days to finish a book), plus I needed to get some mystery books for Aaron. I was gonna have to pay for everything before they'd let me check out any more.

Oh, and I also had a little fine from some overdue videos from long ago. 'Bout 8 bucks worth. This fine had been hanging over my head for some time, but with the new "check yourself out" feature at my library, I've just been ignoring it, scanning my books and getting outta there. I keep trying to be more responsible about the library due dates, but like I've said before, stuff come up!

I walked into the library yesterday, holding my head high and carrying my debit card and two books. I decided to put on a happy face. I wouldn't be bitter, I wouldn't be ashamed, I was just going to be super friendly and nice and apologetic and hope that the librarian wouldn't treat me badly.

I waited at the counter for someone to come hear my tale - you know I wasn't just going to say that I had lost a book and wanted to pay for it, along with all my other fines. It's the details that would explain how badly I felt about all of this, details about vacations and reading by the beach, and searching the house and car and trailer, and feeling it in my bones that I had returned this book a long time ago. The details would let them see me as more than just an irresponsible woman who can't get her life together enough to return things on time and keep track of books. I practiced what I was going to say.


The librarian that came over to help me was new. I had never seen HIM. That's right. It was a man. New gameplan. Now, I was not only going to be super-friendly and nice and apologetic...I was going to be charming. I can do charming.

"I owe you a whole bunch of money. Can you help me figure it out?" I started off with a smile.

"On these two?" He took the books from me.

"Yes, a little bit, but the computer also says that I still have a book from August. I can't find it anywhere." I told him all the details, all the charming details, emphasizing just how hard I'd been looking. I handed him my card and he looked up my account.

"Uh huh. Not much on these...it looks like there's an old fine on some videos...and yeah, this one is really overdue."

"How much does the book cost?"

"It's $12.99 but there's a $5 fee whenever a book gets lost. I'm sorry."

"My punishment...I understand." My lower lip may have jutted out, just a teensy bit.

"Tell you what...you don't have to pay that right now. I'll put a hold on the fines that are accruing and you can keep looking for it. You'll find it in the next month or so, right?"

"Well, I really don't think I will. I've looked and looked.... Is there a chance, I mean, does it ever happen, that a book gets returned and lost in all this?" I gestured at the stacks and stacks of books on the counters. "I really thought I had returned it."

"Stay right here - I'll go look for it." And he went off to do just that.

A few minutes later, he headed back towards me, waving the book in the air. He was smiling. I clapped my hands and smiled right back. My bones had not lied - I had returned the book.

Now he was the one apologizing. Silly library, losing books like that.

He added up the rest of my fines, and I couldn't resist asking,

"Since you had the book all along, do I get that $5 fee as a credit for all my worry and searching?" An eyelash may have batted.

"Tell you what," he said again, "I'll just waive the entire amount. Don't worry about it. I'm really sorry about all this."

I thanked him and told him that he was so so nice and that he made my day. I let him waive the entire fine.

Shameless? You bet.

Shameless enough to eat old chocolate, melted and re-hardened into a lump, shameless enough to charm my way out of a hefty library fine. That's me.


Have you ever talked/charmed your way out of something?