For years and years, my entire married life, I've been seeing Dr. L. for all obstetric and gynecological needs. For the last 12 or so years, it's all been gyno - no more obstetrics for me, thank you very much. About 5 months ago, I decided it was high time for my yearly visit, seeing as I was approaching 3 years since my last one. I like to stay on top of these things.
Dr. L., whom I love, was booked out for what seemed like forever, and in a moment of feeling like I needed to simplify and find a doctor that was closer and easier to get in to see, I made an appointment with someone else. A woman. And I think she's a nurse practitioner.
Honestly, when I was shopping for a gynecologist to be my obstetrician, I got lots of references and asked lots of questions. This time, I basically threw a dart at my computer screen showing the list of people that my insurance wants me to see. My requirements were pretty simple: Close to home, did they have a real person on the appointment line who could book me soon, and um, close to home. My time is just too darn valuable to have to drive very far.
So I got in with this lady named Jackie. The appointment booker said she was great. Good enough for me. When I had to cancel my original appointment and book with another nurse practitioner, the new one was apparently great as well. And finally, I cancelled the second appointment (stuff comes up, I swear!) and got another appointment with Jackie. Great. But here's the lame part - when I finally got in to see her, it was one day after my appointment with Dr. L. would have been. Curse my impatience! Why didn't I just stick with the tried and true?
Jackie was very nice. I can't fault her for anything. She did her job, she was friendly, but...I don't know, a couple of things, I didn't like. Maybe it wasn't even that I didn't like it, just that it was different.
When Dr. L did my exams, he always left me very covered up. It seemed that he did most of the upper exam (I'm just going to call them the upper exam and the lower exam - no risque ads!) under the sheet. If he looked at all, it was just a quick glance to make sure that things looked right. Other than that, I was well covered.
Jackie sort of whipped open the sheet and left me exposed on both sides while she did the exam. Like, because she was a woman, it was okay to have me uncovered. Believe it or not, I do have some modesty! Same with the lower exam - she might as well have tossed the sheet to the ground. I was out there! Felt like it anyway.
Dr L. was always super gentle and slow and apologized throughout the lower exam. He knew it wasn't the most comfortable thing, physically or emotionally, and he felt bad.
Jackie was, well, kind of rough. Too fast. And she didn't apologize, even when I said "ooo, that hurts".
Dr. L. asks about Troy, my boys, how I'm doing. He pats my back tells me how happy he is that we have a family. There's history there. He's known me since the first time I got pregnant, and he delivered both of my babies that didn't live. He was with me on the two worst days of my entire life and he knows what happened. He knows.
Jackie wrote down everything medical about me, nodded a lot, did an upper exam and a lower exam, and told me that things looked fine. But she didn't even ask how I was doing now, when I mentioned that I'd had some depression in the past. There was not, shall we say, a love connection.
This was just going to a be a light-hearted little post about improper draping and the differences between a woman gyno (sorry, nurse practitioner) and a man. The more I think about it though, it seems that this little visit of mine has sparked some other emotions.
Like, why did I cry a tiny bit after the visit? Did I really miss Dr. L. that much? Or was it from having to rehash our whole, sad pregnancy and loss history? I had been exposed, both physically and emotionally to a stranger. I think I'll chalk it up to that, and that later this month, we mark the date of what would have been our daughter's 14th birthday. I guess it's been on my mind a little bit. Bad timing to go a new doctor.
I'm pretty sure I'll go back to Dr. L. next time. There's a history and a connection with him that I didn't realize was so important to me. Now I know. Plus, he'll keep me covered.
So what do we want from our doctors? Compassion and connection as well as care? Or is a prescription pad enough? Do we have different doctors that fulfill different needs? And most importantly...what is your opinion on...
Woman gynecologist vs. Man gynecologist. Any thoughts?
20 comments:
This is a no-brainer . . . MAN!!!!
Hehehe, and when was your most recent upper and lower exam, Loudboy?
OOh Boy, that's a can of worms in my house. My husband swears a man gyno is a little bit of a perv.
I prefer a woman just because she has the same parts and can relate on that level. However, let's have a little professionalism, please.
Totally undraped? Yuck.
I will be seeing a guy-gyno this month - consultation only, thank you. All he's gonna see is my chart.
Yeah - I was hoping for the same parts = gentle with the speculum. Not so much.
I don't know if I really care if it's a man or woman. I just hope that they do their job and not miss anything.
I am more emotional when I go to the Gyno. The whole checking in.. the waiting room with women all going through different stages in their life,...THE WEIGH IN...the gown...tie in front or back!(I know,the front)...the whole body exam...ugh...evaluating my womanhood and where I am at in my life. The past feelings...good experiences and the bad. Talk about rollercoaster!
Wend-By the way, I loved the title!
My last "man-gyno" was two weeks ago. Let me tell you this! My Doc said (while putting on the glove) Let do this and I'll buy you dinner when it over. After the lower front check 'cough cough' (Yes that's right, we men get a lower front and a lower back check), Doc said (as he was putting another glove on the already gloved hand) "face the wall and put your elbows on the exam table". I had to ask "why the second glove Doc?" He said that he had one tear open while checking some dude's prostate! NASTY! I'll bet he had to buy that guy more than just dinner.
OH, and I cried a little too.
Suz - you hit the nail on the head! It was the whole experience, starting with the waiting room. It just felt like an emotional place for everyone in there. But I was just going in for a regular old exam - no emotion involved, or so I thought. It really took me by surprise.
Okay, the man-gyno sounds pretty bad too.
Oprah had Dr. Oz (now HE would be a great doctor to have!) on earlier this week, and he brought along for show and tell, the prostate and the testicles. Made a camera man hold them. Hilarious.
Don't believe the hype that women gynos are more sensitive, and/or that they'll make you feel more comfortable. They won't. Not one bit.
It's so hard to find female doctors who have decent bedside manners. Probably because they get enough business without having to add compassion to their daily work.
I bet Jackie's patient turn-over is pretty high -but she gets by since new patients always come along hoping she'll treat them with a some compassion simply due to the fact she's a woman. It's the medical myth we all need to let go of. Just because someone has the same body parts as us, doesn't make them care any more.
My one and only experience with a woman doing my pelvic exam wasn't pleasant so much. My own personal opinion is this: men don't know what it feels like to get a pelvic and so maybe they are a tad more gentle and concerned. I just know that I wont go back to a woman for a pelvic ever if I don't have to. It's never an especially comfortable experience (physically or emotionally), but why make it more uncomfortable by exposing you to the elements!!?? Sheesh...it's already bad enough that my doctor has to lift my breastes out from under my armpit to do the breast exam...no one needs to see that any longer than necessary!! (Oops...TMI??) ;)
Hahahaha - I'm with ya, Cori! I'm going back to the man!
And RC? You seem to have a pretty stong opinion - have you had an unpleasant experience w/ a woman gyno?
I currently see a woman -a nurse practitioner -for my pelvic exams. I like her most of the time, but she has had some moments of insensitivity. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive. Either way, I don't necessarily feel that her patient care is or isn't better simply due to her being a woman.
Sorry. Been too busy to read your blogs and haven't even read this one yet . . . but I will catch up. I love them. I just haven't had the time to devote to reading and properly commenting.
Anywho, I sent you an e-mail several days ago and I don't think you have read it yet. Read it. Later.
In our many moves I have had both women and men gynos. But what it came down to was bedside manner. The doc that told me he needed to take a bike ride before delivering my first baby was not on the top of my list. (Man) But the doc that delivered my second and was in and out of my room making sure all was well was up there at the top. (woman) But there was also the woman who told me my cervix was playing hide and seek, (at the low end.) And my last who is a man and is wonderful up at the top. Wow way too many people have seen me naked. So male or female doesn't matter to me just as long as they are caring and professional.
Hi Raimee! Glad to see you on here! I can't wait to hear about your trip to Mexico.
You have had a lot of people see you nekkid! I started counting how many have seen me - medical people only - and I think I'm at 5. Three gynecologists and then the two colonoscopies - and those weren't even full nekkidness, so they don't count.
My only experience with a female dr was when i was 17 and went to the gynie for the first time because i had such bad periods. I filled out the chart but skipped the period part. i got into the office and the dr, who was an older lady (prob 60's, completely gray hair looked at my chart and said rather brusquely, "when was your last period?" I said, "I didn't remember". She put her hands on her hips and said, "WELL WE'LL SIT HERE UNTIL YOU DO!!!" so embarrassing.
Last year's gyni exam resulted in my farting on the gynecologist whilst sliding down to the edge of the table.
Oh, Sugarbritches! I've been wondering where you were - glad to have you back.
Farting on the doctor? I want to say how sorry I am that happened to you, but I'm laughing so hard, I may pass something myself! What happened next???
Okay, I am very sorry that happened to you.
I immediately said really loudly, "Great I just farted on you". like he didn't notice. He said, "oh that's fine" The nurse who has to be in the room was supressing a smirk I could tell.
I think you did the best thing by owning it right away. Otherwise, it's just hanging in the air (pun intended), you know you did it, they know you did, but everyone's too embarassed to say anything.
I was in tennis lessons last spring and farted into front of everyone, and I ignored it - but I knew that they all heard. I regretted not saying something, laughing about it, 'cause then it was just there, and I felt more embarassed.
Way to own it, Sugarbritches!
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