Part II: Will Juror #2 Please Stop Rolling Her Eyes While the Witness Is Speaking

Just kidding. The judge didn't really say that to me- but only because my eye rolling wasn't the most blatant and obvious. The policeman (witness for the prosecution) was not only rolling his eyes, he was stifling laughs and Juror# 4 was expressing herself in exasperated sighs.

It was a very interesting day in court. And by interesting, I mean that I was mentally blogging it.

As soon as the door shut behind those who weren't chosen, we were sworn in, given badges to wear around our necks and notepads and pens. We were instructed to wear the badges for the rest of the day, even when we were released for lunch, so that the general public would know not to talk to us if they saw us leaving the courthouse.

Public shunning, mmm hmmm.


We also got a very stern lecture about not talking about the case with each other before all the parts had been played out. We'd have lots of breaks and opportunities to talk, but until it was over, the trial and anything relating to the trial was off limits.

We were reminded several times that just because the defendant was here today, did not mean that she was guilty in any way.

The Prosecution started things off with her opening statements. She introduced us to the defendant, Miss Sad and Remorseful, and explained that she was arrested last summer after being observed not staying in her lane (she was driving down a Trax track!!!) and after field sobriety tests and a breathalyzer showed her to be impaired and over the legal limit. Two policemen would be called as witnesses, and she (the Prosecutor) knew that we would find in favor of the state.

Next up was the Cutest Attorney In the World. He smiled his gleaming smile as he walked across the courtroom. He was friendly and slick, reminded me a little of Matthew McConaughey in How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days. He re-introduced us to Miss Sad and Remorseful, and then explained how poor signage was the cause of her Trax driving, and the policemen were exaggerating the results of the field sobriety tests, and the breathalyzer - must've been not working properly that night. He believed that we would find her not guilty.

And then we had to go to lunch and not talk about what we'd just seen and heard.

We walked to Burger King (court didn't even buy us lunch!) and the four of us sat in a booth and tried to talk about anything except the trial. We talked about President Hinckley, the weather, and what each of us would be doing if we weren't here for the day. I was dying to talk about the trial - it was all I could think about!

We went back to our little waiting room - we were officially sequestered. It was a small, cramped room with two windows that were near the ceilings. We were locked in. There was a small fridge with some pop and water bottles, and a basket with Cheese Nips, peanut butter crackers and fake Oreos. We had to knock on the door for the baliff to let us out to go to the bathroom. We wondered how we'd get out in case of a fire. Still couldn't talk about the trial.

Finally the baliff came in and said that they were ready for us. We had to stay in a single file line, in the same order, for the whole day. We went down two flights of stairs and through a bunch of cubicle office spaces to get to the courtroom. The gravelly-voiced woman had arthritis in both knees and had a really hard time on the stairs. Each time we had to travel between the courtroom and the sequestering room, it took a good 5 minutes. We all shuffled along - it looked like March of the Penguins. When we made it to the courtroom, the baliff opened the door and asked that everyone stand as we walked in. That was kind of cool. I felt like I should wave or something.

Okay, down to business.

First witness was the police officer that pulled the defendant over. She drew on a white board how she had seen her driving down the Trax line, realize the mistake and back off the tracks. When she pulled her over, she noticed Miss Sad and Remorseful was chewing gum very fast and was holding her hand over her mouth.

Did you know that drunk people do that to hide the smell of alcohol? Geez, I chew gum all the time - breath paranoia.

The officer could smell alcohol anyway and called for backup - another officer who specialized in field sobriety tests.

He was the next witness and he explained how he did the tests, arrested her and impounded her car. At the police station, he administered another breathalyzer test and her results were .118. Utah limit is .08.

Time for the cross-examination, and this is when I decided that The Cutest Attorney In the World was kind of a putz.

He was so rude to the police officers! He did his best to make them look like they didn't know what they were doing and that they were exaggerating how drunk the defendant was. He questioned everything they did and every report they filed, all with such an air of smugness. Instead of making the witnesses look less believable, it just made him look desperate and rude.

I know this is how the whole process works, picking apart each side -- I've seen Legally Blonde many times -- but it just made me uncomfortable to see it in person.

Another reason I didn't like the Cutest Attorney In the World - he kept objecting to things the prosecutor was saying. He would interrupt her and then he would make a small show of laughing at her. Again, part of the process, but it just seemed so rude and bossy of him. In any other circumstance, she would have clawed his eyes out and told him to shut the crap up! He was really bugging me.

More breaks, more stairs, more Cheese Nips. No talking about what we were all thinking: why are we even here? The lady was drunk and driving!

Okay, now it was time for the Defense. The one thing that The Cutest Attorney In the World did well, I guess, was to coach Miss Sad and Remorseful on how to look and how to make constant not-guilty eyes at the jury members. I was sitting in a spot where she could see me and one other juror. I don't think she took her eyes off of us once. She looked so pitiful and like she was going to cry at any minute. I could tell that she was waiting to make eye contact and it kind of creeped me out. But I guess that's how you're supposed to look when you are the defendant.

She took the stand and explained that she had been drinking - but not enough to be drunk. The reason she did so poorly on the balance test and walking test was because she was in flip flops.

The next witness for the defense was an "expert", aka, a paid witness. He was a rumpled private investigator that had taken a "course" on how to determine the level of impairment after a person has been drinking. Without that pesky, usually-wrong breathalyzer thingy that the rest of the country uses.

He had a briefcase and stacks of papers that he waved in the air from time to time. It was during his testimony that the eye rolling and stifled laughs started.

Seriously, I think this paid witness hurt her case more than it helped.

In the end, The Cutest Attorney In the World made a statement along these lines:

"You know, my brother makes some pretty sound decisions in his life. Because of those decisions, he's able to buy some really nice things. One of those things is a brand new BMW. It's an amazing car with all the bells and whistles, the best German-made car you can buy. Well, one day, a light came on, telling my brother that that driver's side window was down. But he could tell (slaps his hand against the podium) that it was closed. Sometimes, equipment fails. It's just wrong. It doesn't tell the truth. And that's what happened that night last summer. The breathalyzer wasn't working properly and if you know that, you will have to find the defendant, not guilty."

Yeah, the prosecutor made sure we had copies of the maintenance papers on the breathalyzer, showing that it was in perfect working condition two weeks before and two weeks after. We also had the defendant's flip flops, just in case we wanted to try to walk in a straight line while wearing them. Not that hard.

It was over. All the questioning and objecting, the pleading looks from the defendant, and the Fall of the Cutest Attorney In the World. My crush was so over. Now he just irritated me.

We went back to our little room - finally we could talk about it. By now it was a little past 6 o'clock at night. The court gave us a menu from a pizza place and told us to order, but none of the other jurors wanted to order anything - they just wanted to be done. I should have spoken up, ordered a whole pizza and taken it home to my boys (who had been alone all day), but I didn't.

We talked for about 5 minutes, made sure that we all felt the same way, no question about it...GUILTY!!!

We filed into the courtroom one last time. It's true what they say about it being uncomfortable to look at the defendant when you are bringing a guilty verdict. So I didn't.

We said guilty, the court thanked us, and we left.

It was dark outside, snowing, and the wet streets were full of headlight glare. Just my kind of driving conditions. I made it home, tense and tired, and $18.50 in my pocket. I'd been gone for a little over 12 hours.

I learned a lot, it was interesting, and I was glad it was over in one day. I was also glad that it was so cut and dried, no question or doubt that the lady was drunk and had used poor judgement in getting behind the wheel. I was glad no one had been hurt.

Obviously, I have a hard time separating facts from how a person looks or acts and how they treat other people. I'm not good at this kind of thing. But I did my civic duty and I won't have to do it again for at least two years.

And if you've made it all the way to the end of this tale, I will forever call you The Most Awesome Readers In the World. You're my new crush.