You Take the Good, You Take the Bad, You Take Them Both and There You Have, The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life

Somehow we managed without Blair, Jo, Tootie, and Natalie. Mrs. Garrett might have come in handy though - she was one smart lady.

Over the past few weeks, and after several conversations with different people, I've had the overwhelming feeling that it was time to discuss a certain matter with Cameron.

It's time for that talk. The big one. Bigger than Santa. Bigger than the basic shower and wear deodorant every day sort of discussion. I'm talkin' straight up, Birds 'n Bees, how it happens, when it happens, why it happens and what all the parts look like.

He's turning 11 next month and I know that the school will be having Maturation Day for the 5th graders in the spring. He needs to know. He just does. He's remained (I think) very sheltered as far as what he knows about the subject, but it's only a matter of time before he starts hearing things and I just want to make sure his information is correct.

He did not want to have this talk. We tried about a year ago, asking him if he had any questions about where babies come from, or how babies are made. He started crying and asked us, "why are you talking to me like I'm an adult?"

Okay, so he wasn't exactly ready then. But that comment did tell me that he knew enough to not want to talk about it with us. We backed off.

But now, I've been feeling like it really needed to be done. The feelings have been strong enough and persistent enough that I'm calling it Mother's Intuition. Embarrassed or not, he was going to learn the Facts of Life.

I was probably 8 years old when I got the facts. My Mom was pregnant with my younger brother, so I'm sure my parents figured it was time to answer the obvious question - though I don't remember asking.

They had a book titled How Babies are Made, and I sat on the couch between my Mom and my Dad and read it out loud to them. Oh yes. The book covered the very basics, from the individual parts that the man and woman are bringing to the table, er, the bed, to conception and growing womb, ending with a blanket wrapped baby. The artwork looked like pieces of felt cut into very basic shapes - not a lot of detail. But it is etched into my brain, forever. Reading a book like that out loud to your parents will do that to you.


Time to do a little etching on Cam's brain.

I hit the library, confident that a book was still the way to go - though I would do the reading.

I found one by the expert herself,

but it was for very young children. And it didn't cover enough of the stuff he'd hear at Maturation Day.

This one was excellent - though just a touch too much information for our very first talk. It was mostly text, geared to young teens, and I'd definitely get this for him to read on his own in a few years. It was written to include morals and staying chaste, and waiting for marriage - almost with a little bit of guilt and threats at the end. Not completely the LDS angle, but close enough when paired with For The Strength of Youth.

The book I ended up using was this light-hearted, pragmatic (thanks, Sarah !) picture book by the guy who does the Arthur books. It covered all the subjects that I wanted it to, and the illustrations were appropriate. As we looked at all the drawings of the pieces and parts, I wondered if Marc Brown really just wanted to go back to drawing Arthur and his good friend, Buster.

I used this book as kind of a cross reference - something to back up the information, in a "see, this is that same stuff again" kind of a way. The Bird and the Bee became a little irritating after a while, but probably only to me.

Cameron knew that I had gotten the books from the library and that I was planning on having the talk. He protested, insisting that the only thing kids talk about at school is football, and he did NOT need to know about this. I gave him the option of having Troy read the books with him, and he tried to hide a smirk as he agreed to me.

I called him to the couch, and he ran to his room to get a blanket to wrap up in. It wasn't cold, he just needed a full body embarrassment shield. See, he can't tell me he doesn't know something. He flopped down on the couch, looking like a Muslim woman in full burqa gear. Only his eyes were visible under the deep hood of the blanket. We plowed ahead.

I read and pointed out specifics on the drawings, tracing pathways, and asking if he any questions along the way. He did not. He stayed covered for the most part. I asked if he wanted to keep the books for a while longer, maybe read them by himself, but he was positive that he knew all he wanted to know. Could he just go back to the computer and being a kid again?

Siiiiiiigh. I think it went well.

He did make two comments that made me laugh. First, I had told him that one of the reasons we were having this talk was because of Maturation Day - that I didn't want him to be surprised at school. Then one time, in the book, the word master**tion (just being careful of the ads) came up. He asked at the end,

"So at school, on Master**tion Day, it will just be like a review, right."

MaTURAtion Day, Cam. MaTURAtion Day.

The other funny thing was when we were talking about body changes and the hair that will grow on various parts, including his face. He nodded and said that a kid in his class already has a pretty big mustache. I wasn't surprised - some of these kids are big! Then he said that the kid is a girl! Oh no!!! I told him to be extra nice to her, that she's got some tough years ahead of her.

So anyway, he knows. First Santa, and now this. Good grief.

I need a Diet Coke.

At least he still kisses me good night and gives me hugs whenever I ask. I'm just going to keep on pretending that he's my little boy..who knows stuff.

How did you learn the Facts?

How have you taught the Facts?