There's No Witty Title Because I'm Still In Shock

Just when I think there's nothing going on in my life that's blog-worthy...life sort of rears up and smacks me upside the head. Hard.

When we walked out of church last Sunday, this is what greeted us:

And this:

Before the broken glass littered the inside of my car, my purse was cleverly (so not!) concealed inside a jacket, tucked halfway under the seat, and a magazine and a sunshade were tossed on top. You know, so it just looks like I have a messy car, and not a purse full of things that ought to be stolen.

I wasn't fooling anyone, especially not the low-life, scumbags who decided to pull the ol' Smash-n-Grab on me. In the church parking lot, no less!

Church gets out at 2. Troy, unable/unwilling to use the facilities at the church, drove home during the last meeting and returned at about 1:50. He went inside and was talking with our home teacher - in the foyer. If he'd turned around, he might have seen them. At 2:05 ('cause we aren't ones to linger longer) we walked out and saw the glass, the open glove box and center console, the missing purse and (yes, it gets even worse) the missing house keys!!!!!

Seriously, did they follow him into the parking lot and simply watch him go inside?

More people came out and stood with me, sharing in my shock and anger. Police were called. A neighbor drove Troy home so he could get our cell phones. Troy announced that he was going to Walmart to see if they were shopping for electronics and drove off while I waited for the police - he wasn't thinking clearly, just that HE MUST STOP THEM!!!!!!!

A kind ward member gently pointed out that Troy ought to call the credit card company and stop them from that end instead of tackling random people at Walmart. I called him, he went home and called our bank. I only had one major credit card and one debit card (same bank), so that went pretty smoothly.

They'd already been to Walmart and charged $115.30 and they were trying to buy gas at a Holiday when the card got cancelled. They were fast, organized, and they knew right where to go: Walmart - with those lovely self-check registers.

The police came and took our statements and a list of things that were in the purse. He went off to do his thing and then we went back to our now unsecured home to take care of things on our end. We're still not done.

• House re-keyed on a Sunday: $180
• New mailbox lock/driving to post office to get new key: $15
• New driver's license: $18 - haven't done this yet
• Ordering new cards from credit union
• File fraud report with credit union
• Cancel Kohls card
• Call insurance company and order new cards
• Call auto glass people and wait an entire day for them to fix my window. But let's hear it for full glass coverage!
• Call Equifax and other credit reporting agencies to put a fraud alert on my life. Side note: the guy at Equifax sounded exactly like Balki from Beverly Hills Cop. It made me giggle.

It's just all so irritating and time consuming. It takes forever to call some of these places because everything is in English and Spanish, and I had to navigate through the phone system, hoping that I could somehow just push #7 and speak to a real person. Waiting for the glass people was the biggest pain. Even though we specifically asked and begged them to put us at the top of the list so I could get new bankcards and a new license, when the guy finally showed up, he told me that he saved me for last because he lives close by. Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!!!

The inconveniences are overwhelming. Aaron was getting his tonsils out today and the hospital needed me to bring my driver's license, insurance cards, and some money. Sorry...I don't HAVE any of those things anymore. The post office wants ID before they will give me a new mail key. The bank wants ID before I withdraw anything. Albertson's wants ID before they give me a new Fresh Values card, Sam's Club, the pharmacy, everyone. Oh yeah...it's all about the picture ID, unless you steal someone's credit card -- then by all means, shop away...no one's gonna stop you.

Okay, just a few more rants, on a minor scale.

It was a good purse. Not too big, not too small, with all the features I want and none that I don't need. It was brown with some leopard fabric accents, little end pockets for a cell phone, secret zippered pouch for tampons, perfect length straps...I really liked this purse. Gone. Perfect wallet...gone.

Last Christmas I splurged and bought myself some lovely lip glosses from Bath and Body Works. Chocolate Mint and Peppermint Shimmer - both with peppermint oil to plump the lips and taste yummy. Gone.

Gift cards and refund cards to Kohls, Barnes and Noble, Seagull Book and Tape, Subway and Cafe Rio. Gone.

Cute little mint tins, one with mints, the other with Tylenol and Excedrin. Mirror, gum, my favorite pen, temple recommend...gone.

I have ipod shame now - because it wasn't stolen. It was practically like they put it back. What...my little shuffle isn't good enough for you?

But, there is a bright side. Really.

I did not have my social security card in my purse. Or my check book. Not that I could write a check without my ID. I only had one credit card with me. We found out fast and were able to stop them before any more damage was done. Our cell phones weren't in the car. Troy was home when this all happened. There wasn't any cash in my purse. Good friends and neighbors stood with us, called to check on us, and generally made us feel loved.

Troy has every right to say I told you so - he has asked me again and again not to leave my purse in the car. I would just brush it off and explain that I "hid" my purse. He hasn't said a word about it. Not one. Good guy, that Troy.

That very day, I taught a lesson in Primary about Mormon witnessing the downfall of the Nephites. It went on and on about how the cities were full of robbers and people with no conscience. Nothing was safe. If it could be stolen, it was.

I think I prefer my object lessons a little less real.