Halloween and Stuff

Pumpkin carving

(in the nude)

It's a family tradition

At least for Cam it is. I can't get that kid to wear clothes around the house for anything. Perhaps I need to turn down the thermostat?

Halloween was a little different this year: Cam officially declared his independence and went out with just his friends. I can't even tell you what they were...three guys in black robes, maybe?

Aaron (after practically fasting and praying over it) decided to go with Troy on the road. He was immensely happy, so I think he chose well. Cam generously agreed to share his loot.

But that left me, alone with Oliver, to do the whole door thing. And Oliver doesn't do well with the whole door thing. It bothers him terribly that others would dare cross our doorstep, let alone ring the doorbell. The barking can be ear piercing, but I couldn't put him away in a bedroom - he'd still hear it and that would make him anxious.

Oliver + anxiety = liquified bowels.

Yes, there is a story behind that equation. No, I won't share it. I'm still in therapy.

So it was a 2 valium night for my Ollie.

He slept soundly in his crate (in the front room with me), then he'd wake and try his best to bark whenever the doorbell sounded.

I ate candy, surfed the internet, answered the door, and occasionally called Cam to make sure he was okay. Aaron checked in every once in a while from Arizona, reporting that they were 15 miles from the border and hauling a 53 foot trailer of jalapenos. I joked that they better not crash with trucks hauling tomatoes and onions -- that would be SALSA!

Gone, gone, gone are my days of dressing my kids in adorable costumes and delighting with them in the magic of a holiday.

In reality, it's been gradual. I mean, we've lived out the same days, weeks and months that everyone else has, but it feels like I blinked and suddenly my boys are grown into pre-teen man creatures. And they don't need me so much. Certainly not to trick or treat with, or even to do the carving on the pumpkin.

Great job, by the way, my little naked carving boy

Yup, I've seen my future.

Me and my stoned dog.

Pass the candy.

Back In School

I started back to school at the end of July, but the boys didn't start until the middle of August. I made them practice reciting the fun things that we did over the summer, just in case a teacher asked them what they did. I didn't want them saying "Played computer games."

Not that they didn't spend quite a few hours on the computer, I just wanted their teachers to know that I tried to make the most of the six weeks that we had.

First Day of School 2008

You are correct, the fourth grader is now officially taller than the sixth grader.

So it's back to early mornings, cold or hot?, deodorant?, backpacks, did you brush your teeth?and hurryhurryhurry. Four weeks into the school year now and things are going great. Both kids have teachers that they really like, not a huge amount of homework, and going to bed earlier hasn't even been a problem. Whew!

This is Cam's last year in elementary. How crazy is that?

Almost as crazy as these two...

First Day of School 2004

Love you guys...have a great school year!

11 year old Scout Camp

Last weekend, Cam headed off for his very first overnight scout camp. Troy was able to go along (did a little dutch oven cookin') and they had a wonderful time.

There was bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. Cam fried up 3 lbs. (!) for 8 people.

Little bit of hiking.

And some geocaching, which was Cam's favorite part.

Knife sharpening,

Whittling,

At least I think this is whittling...

Campfires and midnight flashlight games, sleeping in a tent with your buddy, knives, knives, knives, and getting dirty, makes for one happy boy.

It's crazy to think that in about 5 months he'll be holding the Priesthood, passing the sacrament, going to Young Men's, etc. Love you, Cam!

He's Got a Point

In the first few minutes of Sacrament Meeting, Cam was irritating me to no end by poking at Aaron, teasing him, and generally being a pest. I'd had enough.

"Cameron!" I hissed, in my best chapel whisper, "You are 11 years old - now act like it."

"Mom," Cam shot back with a smile, "I promise, this is exactly what 11 year old boys act like."

Well played, Cam. Very well played.

Hey Flinders, No Flinders, Come On We Got to Go Flinders. Believe Us We're Your Friends

I planned a perfect spring evening for the family. Troy was home, the house was clean enough, the homework was done enough, the weather was warm enough, everyone was in a good mood, and by golly I wanted to go out and have some fun.

We waited for Cam to get home from play practice and then we were going to head over to the tennis courts. The boys have been taking some lessons and they really enjoy it, Troy and I both love it, so with the promise of an Arctic Circle cone on the way home, we thought we had the perfect evening planned. Good old-fashioned family time.

And then Cam called from the school.

"I'm staying here to play with my friends, okay?"

"Noooooo, come home. We're going to play tennis! The whole family!"

"But I've been in school all day and then play practice. I want to be with my friends."

Seriously, the last time I checked, his friends are also at school and play practice.

"Come on, Cam, this will be fun...we'll get ice cream afterwards..."

"Please, Mom, please????? I just want to stay here. The weather's finally good enough to play football. I just want to be with my friends!"

I handed the phone to Troy and they had pretty much the same conversation. Before they even finished, I mouthed "Fine...let him stay...we're still going." Troy told him to call us so we'd know when he'd made it home.

We stared at each other. It's happened. No matter how cool I think we are (and we are!!), no matter how many cones we buy or how many perfect, fun-filled evenings of tennis we plan, he will want to be with his friends.

Not us. His friends.

( now this is how I know that Troy is the perfect man for me.)

If there had been an orchestra, the music would have swelled. Troy and I both started singing!

(wait a minute...could this be why Cam doesn't want to hang with us???)

Whatever. The lyrics came out, choppy in places, but we clung to each other and sang the song for every parent with a child who is feeling the pull of friends over family.

(oh, and apologies to Mr. de Axevedo if a lyric is wrong, and a thank you for writing the music score for my life.)

When he was just a little boy
Things were different then...
With eyes of trust he looked to us
To lead the way...

Always bringing us his fears
We could wipe away his tears
But things were different then
For he was just a little boy...

The years have passed
Like summer dew upon the grass
The little boy that held our hands
Grew up so fast...

There was a time he loved us
The way we love him now...
But growing up
Has changed it all...somehow...

Tell me that you remember this!

We laughed it off ('cause music cheers the heart), went and played tennis, had a great time with Aaron, and came back to Cameron, who was now wishing that he'd gone with us instead. We ate our cones in front of him.

Score one (I think) for the family. Fifteen/Love

Aaaaaaaghhhh! This growing up thing is hard! And Cam has great friends - seriously, I couldn't ask for better. They aren't like the those hooligans from Saturday's Warrior, dancing around in leather, growing their hair and planning a trip to California for their "Summer of Fair Weather" ('cause I know a place, where we can get it together....). Now that was a rough crowd!

Nope, his friends are good. I shouldn't have a problem with this at all. It's just hard to let go of my little boy. I have a friend who will be sending her son off to college by the first of next year, and I get a knot in my stomach just listening to her talk about it.

I wish I could hold onto my boys forever.

But since I can't (and I'm sure eventually I wouldn't want to) I'm just grateful to have a husband who remembers the words and will sing with me.

Notes of Note. A Post in Two Parts

Part I:
The Note From School, or,
Loosening My Bra As My Heart Swells With Pride

First of all, thank you for all your kind words of support and encouragement about Cam's science fair project. He took it to school yesterday and sat by it for an hour or two, answering questions from the judges and visiting parents. He was proud of his project and did a good job all around.

Today he brought this note home:

And this:
Pretty cool. Cameron was worried that he'd have to do another whole project. I assured him that if that was the case, he would politely decline the invitation. There is a bunch of paperwork to fill out though - almost a mini written report. And if he goes on to the state fair, we have to pay an entrance fee. For now, I think we'll just relax and enjoy being off track.



*******************************************************

Part II:
The Note That Came Out of the Dryer, or

If It's Love, Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Okay, I might be crossing a line. Sure I can post the pictures of Troy getting his eyebrows waxed, and me getting my colonoscopy, but this is almost too personal.


Last night, after I had tucked the boys in bed, I went to change the laundry over to the dryer. I pulled the dry clothes out and a tightly folded, still slightly damp note fell onto the floor.


You all told me about what you've pulled out of the dryer - the ipods, the gum, the dead hamster and the poop. But a note? You read it, right?

I did.

It was fragile from its trip through the washer and dryer but I carefully unfolded it and read the pencil writing.


Cam had written it, but never delivered it. It said:

"To Aspen, I like you. (smiley face)...But you like Will. Abby told me you hate me and never want to talk to me again. (frowny face)


I raced downstairs to show the note to Troy. He was as shocked as I was. There was romantic drama going on? We never knew. And what a love triangle it seems to be - Cam, Aspen, Will, and Abby - though so far, Abby is only the passer of information. Who is this Aspen girl...and why is she breaking my son's heart?


I went to ask Cam about it. He denied knowing what I was talking about, but that might have been because I woke him up. I asked him who everyone was and he tried to tell me what had happened. Even through his explanation I could tell that he wasn't even sure what was going on.


"Are you sad?" I was prepared to grieve with him.


"Not really."

"But you drew a frowny face! That means you're sad!"

"Then I guess I was."

"Why didn't you deliver it?" Hand me a bigger spoon, I'm stirring it up really good now.

"I changed my mind."

"Okay sweetheart. Probably better that way. Do you want to talk about it? Do you need a hug?"

"Mom, I'd kinda forgotten all about it."

"Oh...okay...but if you need a shoulder..."

"Goodnight!"

********************************************************

Two very different notes, but they both amaze me.

I just have to ask...


Did you ever pass notes in school?

Happy Birthday Cameron!

I'm a few days late on this, but on his actual birthday, we were doing, well, birthday stuff.

Cameron turned eleven last Saturday. Eleven...eleven!

We had a really fun day - Troy was home and we spent the whole day together. As usual, I tried to show my love through food, waking Cameron up to German pancakes. My side of the family was coming over for dinner and Cameron had requested a dinner of spaghetti with meat sauce (no onions or mushrooms) and garlic bread (with no cheese), and key lime pie for dessert. I spent a good part of the day preparing the meal and doing some cleaning, and generally hugging him whenever he walked by.

Cameron got everything he wished for, including the funds (thanks Grandma and Grandpa and Great-Grandma) to purchase a computer game he wanted. While Troy did the shopping, installing of the game and cleanup from the party, I snuck away to go see the movie Juno with a friend.

I had wanted to write about the emotions that this movie stirred up inside me and how it all related to Cameron's birthday, his amazing adoption and my feelings about his birthmom. But when I start to write, the words don't seem adequate. My language just isn't enough to explain everything about my boy, his birthmom, and her gift that made me a mother.

He is my heart.
She is too.

I don't want to be tearful and emotional as I write to celebrate Cameron's birthday. I want to be funny and joyous over this sweet kid that I absolutely adore. I want to tell you about all his remarkable qualities and characteristics, and how he makes me laugh, his easy-going attitude and everything I love about him.

The other stuff, the fact that the happiest day of my life was his birthmom's hardest day, is just too emotional for words - even eleven years later. Maybe I can write about it someday. Maybe not.

So today I'm just going to share a few pix. That's the beauty of blogging - you don't have to wait for someone to ask to see a picture of your kids - you can just throw 'em out there.

I don't have any pictures of Cameron on his actual birthday.
Our story starts on his Gotcha Day. He was one day old.

This was taken just moments after Cameron was laid in my arms. Don't look at my hair - just don't even look at it. (Seriously, what the heck???) Instead, look at that beautiful, perfect baby boy. Red lips, slicked hair, tiny curled up little body, wrapped in a blanket made by his birthmom's sister.

He was my dream come true.

Back at home, we spent the rest of the day receiving visitors and talking on the phone.

"He's here...he's ours..."

There was a brief period in Cameron's life when he had a little body fat.

That was then...

This is now...

This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of Cameron. The hair...those lips...

That was then...

This is now...

Oh, those lips!

That was then...

This is now...

I guess some things don't change.

Happy Birthday, Cameron!!

I love you. You make me happy every single day.

I'm so grateful that you are mine and I am yours.

Come and gimme a hug.

The Big Letdown

Yes, it's true, we had tears on Christmas Day. I had my happy tears over my ring and then Cameron (!) had a bad case of Christmas Letdown. At least that's what I'm calling it.

About two hours after the unwrapping and breakfast were over, Cameron sat down next to me and said tentatively,

"I'm bored..."

Excuse me? EXCUSE ME??????

This was from the kid who not long ago looked like this:

And this:

Looks like happiness on Christmas morning to me.

How could he possibly be bored? I dug deeper.

Apparently, there had not been a "big" gift along with the smaller gifts under the tree this year. In some years past, we've had a large gift - like the xbox, or last year it was the Nintendo DS lites and some accompanying games. He couldn't really think of any large gift that he wanted though. Was he disappointed that he didn't get a new gaming system? Not really...Grandma and Grandpa already have the Wii, and he's more into PC games ( Warcrack ).

Also, he "didn't really get what he wanted", though he absolutely could not name anything in particular that he would have liked instead.

And the cinnamon rolls had cream cheese frosting which ruined them.

And there hadn't really been any surprises...

And it was over so fast...

And, and...

By now the tears were flowing freely down his freckled cheeks. My first reaction was irritation, bordering on anger, and I began to plan an outing to a homeless shelter for this ungrateful boy.

He'd had a fabulous Christmas!!! The Warcraft Expansion Pack, Star Wars Legos and a Bionicle, two CDs, big army men and vehicle set that he had begged for, a scooter and how could he forget:

He also received a hoodie and pants and a beanie that he loves and won't take off.

What was going on?

We have closets and drawers full of toys that are not played with, movies that aren't watched, and the DS Lites from last year that only get played with every few months. Cameron is not lacking in things to do, he has not been deprived or made to do without. I'd say his life is pretty well charmed, wouldn't you?

Troy and I had gone over this endlessly, and the boys knew all along that Oliver was the big gift this year. I also knew that if we had splurged on a new gaming system (which Troy wanted to do) and had not gotten all the smaller gifts, he would have been upset about that. How big, how extreme, how superfantabulous does a Christmas have to be so that your kids aren't disappointed???

And then it hit me - a possible reason for all this drama. Cameron is growing up. There will never be another Christmas like the ones when he was little and everything was magical and $50 could buy his wildest dreams, and when the opening was over he'd collapse in a worn out heap. The kind of excitement over Santa that makes it impossible to sleep is gone. He's left with the "Is that all there is?" kind of feeling, that no amount of gifts can satisfy. The anticipation and the hype is finally bigger than the reality.

No wonder there were tears. I wasn't irritated any more, in fact I felt pretty bad for him. He didn't know how to put words to the awful, kind-of-empty feeling inside of him, and the only thing that made any sense was that he possibly didn't receive enough.

His tears dried and he felt bad that he'd made me feel bad (another sign of growing up), and then he and Troy got down to the business of the Expansion Pack. His smiles are back and he's played with his things -- the empty feeling went away. Oliver remains a very big deal around here.

Face it, the older you get, does anything really live up to the hype?

Who hasn't felt a little letdown after Christmas or Thanksgiving? Sure the tree or the table looked beautiful, but now there's the cleanup. And all that planning and preparation!

The movie wasn't that great...I could've waited for the dvd.

The wedding is over - now we have marriage.

Wedding night? Please.

Best vacation in the world - you still have to come home.

Does that make me sound like a glass half empty kind of person? I'm not, really, just thinking about Cameron and his first Christmas as a non-believer. It was kind of a hard day for him. The Letdown was tough.

The thought occurs to me (so how fortunate that I have a blog!!!), there is something that lives up to the hype - serving others, giving gifts, helping people. No letdown there. I need to teach my boys to serve others, to experience that kind of feeling.

Any thoughts?

What has been a letdown for you...and what has not?